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Sullen Girl...In the blue of my oblivion

This is not a place or a space for the sullen and forlorn. I say this knowing that at this precise moment I am quite sullen and forlorn and I am making every effort to ensure that none of that transmits to this page. That said, knowing myself, there is no way for me to continue typing without the disappointment and regret of a current situation springing forth upon this very page. And that said, ladies and gents if you don't want to bare witness to the forthcoming descriptions of regrets and what shoulds, please note this title, and check back when a happier post title appears. Until the time of that blessed occurrence (which might even be tonight) I offer you little solace or alternative for the quandaries of this world. And hence forth shall continue on.

Death is a depthful, grievous, phenomenon of this life we are given. So easily offered and yet so swiftly taken, the phrase "thief in the night" springs forth which brings me round to thoughts of religion but that is not the direction I'm trying to go.

How is it that in one second you can completely forget the majority of people who have become a norm of your life and then in the very next not only remember but have one stripped away so suddenly, it just happens, its just there.

I have to say I am quite biased in my affinity for professors; this because its hard to move beyond that shell "end all be all" "giveth and taketh away" persona. But in those moments, those miniscule moments when something clicks I do find my self quite fond of some. There was Lebon, who introduced me to this concept of Women's Studies and the feminist within. Tuell, the sprightly, thunderous, leprechaun reminiscent fellow who taught me the Word from a direction that suited me. Eren, the trendy, petite, Turkish German from who film took on an entirely new perspective and finally Dunbar.

Professor Jana Dunbar, Intro to Environmental Studies. Unlike the other Professors I had the unfortunate luck to only have taken one of her course, this mostly due to her adjunct status. But last semester every Monday and Wednesday night I knew I would learn a little more about the issues deeply rooted in this world around us and I would probably have an interesting conversation about its affect on me. I was hoping beyond hope that even if I didn't have the opportunity to sit in one of her lengthy courses again that the administration would come to their senses and take her on as a full time professor, I crossed my fingers and checked in with her every once in a while.

This semester I didn't see her as often, my course schedule and her night classes, there is no tendency to bump into each other under those circumstances but now that I think about it who knows...
I saw her two weeks ago and although I wanted to talk a little more I did the hi, how are things and bounced off to Statistics. The last time I would ever talk to her.

I have a tendency to hold back a little. I'm not much for crying in front of people but I could use it at the moment. The final night of class, I stayed to talk to Professor Dunbar about the class and my final presentation and she said to me..."You know sometimes you just stand back and you're proud"...Of me? And I will hold on to that forever.

Look down on us, as we looked down toward you.

**fIrEfLy**

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