There are times now when I get the urge to write. Those are moments when I try to hang onto that urge like a little girl chasing fireflies. The moments are so few and far between these days that I play in them as long as I can. Lingering in the words, and the thoughts until they fly away and all I can do is look at what was once there.
I keep coming back to why I started writing this blog so many years ago, the so MANY part still being what gets me each time. I am older, I'd like to say wiser, and have learned a few life lessons that have brought me to where I am today. I once saw this life through the eyes of a Premature Metro Goddess, wanted to take on the world. I was sure of what would and what would not, and accepted nothing less, over and out, didn't want to hear anymore...the iron fist had been laid, lain? Anyway...
As we speak though, I am not that woman I thought I would be, sometimes I still feel a bit like the girl I once was, but I do know this woman is someone else. Someone different and unexpected.
My wants of the past were a good non-profit job, I was going to save the world and income was not important, it was the work I was doing.
I was going to be the proverbial social butterfly, flitting my way around the scene.
I was going to make new friends and travel the world.
I would remain true to the causes, feminism and gender equity, LGTB rights, diversity awaremess YAY..and a democrat all the way.
I would date, ya know. Who needed a man to tie them down...ALL the TIME
And I would live like no other, feel it all, doing it all, being it all...yup that was the plan. And this is where those two women and that one girl come to diverge in paths.
Nonprofit, been there done that. I love what I did until I didn't. And though I still want to save THE world, MY world is a bit too expensive to depend on 3rd party funding, budget deficits, and closing school sites. We are the world, sha na, we are the children...more we were the world, we were the children.
I have made new friends, and kept some old. Some are platinum, some are silver, some are gold, and a couple were this heavy plastic, kind of a dead weight so they had to be let go. And I have traveled, not necessarily The World but I'll get there.
And let me tell you a little something about The Cause and the College Student. The cause is what you live for, that and a little extra rest, a drink or two and Wednesday's Wing Buffet in the dining hall. College is all about wants, what you want to do, be, save, create, make better, Blah Blah, Blah Blah. Feminism still holds a place in my heart, I guess I am a feminist deep down, but I'm not spending the extra 10 bucks for a t-shirt that says so. Gender equity...women are smarter, men get paid more...kind of an unfair and deranged separate but equal if you will. LGTB rights, I'm not screaming from the rooftops and waving rainbow flags but I still hold my beliefs on LGTB rights as close to my heart as I ever did. Diversity awareness and democrats...see the world more and be a little less ignorant, and democrats suck, they are just more liberal with their sucking that the GOP so a lesser of two evils.
The dating, not tied down thing. Now thats where I failed, appears monogamous stability is my thing, so the dating never really took off. And now this woman is living out that little girls ideas and is in love, and actually thinking about babies...notice those were not on the radar of the Premature Metro Goddess.
I am not who I was once was, but I am who I will always be. I like the newness and the familiarity of myself. I like the passion and love, the spunk that has come from somewhere. Crazy enough I'm kinda loving who I am. So see I am wiser, taking what I got, and loving it like hell. What a lesson.
I keep coming back to why I started writing this blog so many years ago, the so MANY part still being what gets me each time. I am older, I'd like to say wiser, and have learned a few life lessons that have brought me to where I am today. I once saw this life through the eyes of a Premature Metro Goddess, wanted to take on the world. I was sure of what would and what would not, and accepted nothing less, over and out, didn't want to hear anymore...the iron fist had been laid, lain? Anyway...
As we speak though, I am not that woman I thought I would be, sometimes I still feel a bit like the girl I once was, but I do know this woman is someone else. Someone different and unexpected.
My wants of the past were a good non-profit job, I was going to save the world and income was not important, it was the work I was doing.
I was going to be the proverbial social butterfly, flitting my way around the scene.
I was going to make new friends and travel the world.
I would remain true to the causes, feminism and gender equity, LGTB rights, diversity awaremess YAY..and a democrat all the way.
I would date, ya know. Who needed a man to tie them down...ALL the TIME
And I would live like no other, feel it all, doing it all, being it all...yup that was the plan. And this is where those two women and that one girl come to diverge in paths.
Nonprofit, been there done that. I love what I did until I didn't. And though I still want to save THE world, MY world is a bit too expensive to depend on 3rd party funding, budget deficits, and closing school sites. We are the world, sha na, we are the children...more we were the world, we were the children.
I have made new friends, and kept some old. Some are platinum, some are silver, some are gold, and a couple were this heavy plastic, kind of a dead weight so they had to be let go. And I have traveled, not necessarily The World but I'll get there.
And let me tell you a little something about The Cause and the College Student. The cause is what you live for, that and a little extra rest, a drink or two and Wednesday's Wing Buffet in the dining hall. College is all about wants, what you want to do, be, save, create, make better, Blah Blah, Blah Blah. Feminism still holds a place in my heart, I guess I am a feminist deep down, but I'm not spending the extra 10 bucks for a t-shirt that says so. Gender equity...women are smarter, men get paid more...kind of an unfair and deranged separate but equal if you will. LGTB rights, I'm not screaming from the rooftops and waving rainbow flags but I still hold my beliefs on LGTB rights as close to my heart as I ever did. Diversity awareness and democrats...see the world more and be a little less ignorant, and democrats suck, they are just more liberal with their sucking that the GOP so a lesser of two evils.
The dating, not tied down thing. Now thats where I failed, appears monogamous stability is my thing, so the dating never really took off. And now this woman is living out that little girls ideas and is in love, and actually thinking about babies...notice those were not on the radar of the Premature Metro Goddess.
I am not who I was once was, but I am who I will always be. I like the newness and the familiarity of myself. I like the passion and love, the spunk that has come from somewhere. Crazy enough I'm kinda loving who I am. So see I am wiser, taking what I got, and loving it like hell. What a lesson.
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