It all stems from men.
No I am not quoting some long lost biblical text, or even the latest trumpeteer of male domination. This my friends is the somewhat sarcastic conclusion which was reached at my Women of Color discussion group.
First let me explain a few things. After 3 years at a predominantly white, private, liberal arts school, no matter how diverse one may be a little meeting with the sistas from time to time was quite necessary. This revelation took time; I was initially the soft spoken, "appropriate", token black girl. I've had my share of all knowing assumptions from the less than informed blonde girls whom I'd spent most of my freshman year "bonding" with...
"even the black people where I live think there are two kinds of black people. Black people and nig..." Let this trail off into oblivion for my and everyone else's sake.
I've also had my fair share of "the whitest black girl I know" comments. Yes I like Incubus, my dancing is not that great, I talk in a very proper tone, and Tim was white, and Chris, and Aaron...Don't judge; It is a balance, I will continue.
I never had any desire to attend W.O.C until I was called out by the advisor in an email for not showing face, "I'm calling you out". Quite straight forward. So after the sporadic meetings, I realized just how isolated I was from the rest of my ethnic counterparts. I had this desire to be a little loud, roll a little neck, and talk about hair extensions without the sometimes appalled or confused looks I'd received before...
"wow your hair seems longer"...Why yes it is longer, and I'm not really sure whose hair this is, I got it from the hair shop...That one always provides me with the most amusement.
Onward to the present, Sister 2 Sister; a cross cultural discussion about women and body image. I say cross cultural, but black and white is more accurate. A balance, quite uneven. I doubt it is necessary to describe the stereotypical black/white female ideal. White women described their respective feminine apex: thin, long blonde hair, blue eyes, small ass, BIG BOOBS. The climax of the black feminine aesthetic: THICK, curvy, big ass, nice hair (style irrelevant)big boobs...36-24-36 yes ladies and gentlemen the BRICK dun dun dun dun HOUSE.
But where does this come from? The consensus of the night seemed to be men. Oh yes ladies even during this era of better wages, independence, and great sex with a buffet of boys, they are still table feeding us misconceptions.
Why does a woman set ridiculous physical standards upon herself.
Group Answer: Because she wants to look good to get a guy's attention.
What about women who don't care, who aren't around men that often (i.e. work, school) why do they conform to these standards?
Group Answer: Maybe she decides to have her own style but if a guy likes it she will try to emphasize that a little more. Or maybe she gets her style from the women around her who dress nicely, but those women are probably dressing that way in order to get attention from a guy. So it all stems from men.
Ok, stop the train, this is obviously the wrong track. What is going on that a group of intelligent, beautiful women think our feminine standards stem from men? We're taking the easy way out. When we place the control and the responsibility in the hands of men around us we fail to accept the responsibility and opportunity to change those ideals.
Who is blindly perpetuating this male origin ideal? Men to maintain their control? Or women who have not yet completely accepted the challenge of defining who we are and what we will become? I hate to place yet another burden upon our already overworked shoulders, but if we don't change this ridiculous, fantaciful, aesthetic dream obviously it will remain the same.
Ladies, look at all this beauty. The detailed lines of our bodies, in our face. The emotion, and soul, and power. The ability to bring forth life and our futures. With all of these assets, which only reside within our respective branch of the human species, how could we ever doubt ourselves? How can we allow false ideals and misplaced expectations to perpetuate to our sisters, nieces, daughters, and friends; to intimidate, control, confuse, and challenge a sense of self that could stand all alone and survive while nourishing everything around us?
I will not be defined by the criteria some guy has set upon me. Don't get me wrong if you can appreciate all this junk inside my trunk, and my lovely lady lumps then sweetheart go right ahead, but remember; This is MY junk inside MY trunk and MY lovely lady lumps, check that out. If you want to grow something or shrink something you have a perfectly good tool which does just those two things very well, go at it till your hearts content.
**fiReFlY**
No I am not quoting some long lost biblical text, or even the latest trumpeteer of male domination. This my friends is the somewhat sarcastic conclusion which was reached at my Women of Color discussion group.
First let me explain a few things. After 3 years at a predominantly white, private, liberal arts school, no matter how diverse one may be a little meeting with the sistas from time to time was quite necessary. This revelation took time; I was initially the soft spoken, "appropriate", token black girl. I've had my share of all knowing assumptions from the less than informed blonde girls whom I'd spent most of my freshman year "bonding" with...
"even the black people where I live think there are two kinds of black people. Black people and nig..." Let this trail off into oblivion for my and everyone else's sake.
I've also had my fair share of "the whitest black girl I know" comments. Yes I like Incubus, my dancing is not that great, I talk in a very proper tone, and Tim was white, and Chris, and Aaron...Don't judge; It is a balance, I will continue.
I never had any desire to attend W.O.C until I was called out by the advisor in an email for not showing face, "I'm calling you out". Quite straight forward. So after the sporadic meetings, I realized just how isolated I was from the rest of my ethnic counterparts. I had this desire to be a little loud, roll a little neck, and talk about hair extensions without the sometimes appalled or confused looks I'd received before...
"wow your hair seems longer"...Why yes it is longer, and I'm not really sure whose hair this is, I got it from the hair shop...That one always provides me with the most amusement.
Onward to the present, Sister 2 Sister; a cross cultural discussion about women and body image. I say cross cultural, but black and white is more accurate. A balance, quite uneven. I doubt it is necessary to describe the stereotypical black/white female ideal. White women described their respective feminine apex: thin, long blonde hair, blue eyes, small ass, BIG BOOBS. The climax of the black feminine aesthetic: THICK, curvy, big ass, nice hair (style irrelevant)big boobs...36-24-36 yes ladies and gentlemen the BRICK dun dun dun dun HOUSE.
But where does this come from? The consensus of the night seemed to be men. Oh yes ladies even during this era of better wages, independence, and great sex with a buffet of boys, they are still table feeding us misconceptions.
Why does a woman set ridiculous physical standards upon herself.
Group Answer: Because she wants to look good to get a guy's attention.
What about women who don't care, who aren't around men that often (i.e. work, school) why do they conform to these standards?
Group Answer: Maybe she decides to have her own style but if a guy likes it she will try to emphasize that a little more. Or maybe she gets her style from the women around her who dress nicely, but those women are probably dressing that way in order to get attention from a guy. So it all stems from men.
Ok, stop the train, this is obviously the wrong track. What is going on that a group of intelligent, beautiful women think our feminine standards stem from men? We're taking the easy way out. When we place the control and the responsibility in the hands of men around us we fail to accept the responsibility and opportunity to change those ideals.
Who is blindly perpetuating this male origin ideal? Men to maintain their control? Or women who have not yet completely accepted the challenge of defining who we are and what we will become? I hate to place yet another burden upon our already overworked shoulders, but if we don't change this ridiculous, fantaciful, aesthetic dream obviously it will remain the same.
Ladies, look at all this beauty. The detailed lines of our bodies, in our face. The emotion, and soul, and power. The ability to bring forth life and our futures. With all of these assets, which only reside within our respective branch of the human species, how could we ever doubt ourselves? How can we allow false ideals and misplaced expectations to perpetuate to our sisters, nieces, daughters, and friends; to intimidate, control, confuse, and challenge a sense of self that could stand all alone and survive while nourishing everything around us?
I will not be defined by the criteria some guy has set upon me. Don't get me wrong if you can appreciate all this junk inside my trunk, and my lovely lady lumps then sweetheart go right ahead, but remember; This is MY junk inside MY trunk and MY lovely lady lumps, check that out. If you want to grow something or shrink something you have a perfectly good tool which does just those two things very well, go at it till your hearts content.
**fiReFlY**
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