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Crossroads...Not just a bad Britney Spears Movie

What is a girl to do when she is trapped in the middle of a crossroads?

Isn't that the purpose of this blogging space, to figure those things out; to find the fork in this road of life and take it knowing that down the beaten path is the success and the aspirations that we've waited so to attain.

No, I don't really think so. I don't have the answers, not in any immediacy, even when I think I do or it is assumed, I do not have all of the answers to the questions that have yet to be asked and so I am here.

What is a budding Metro Goddess to do when she can't decide upon the city to which she will position her mountain on high with which she will gaze down upon the rest of this world? Do I play it safe and maintain the path that is laid out ahead? At this point find a job in my respective city is about as easy as finding a hot pair of closed toe kitten heels on the shoe aisle of T.J Maxx...I've tried and so far it just has not worked itself out. My choice is to return to the same pool of shoes everyday until a new shipment arrives and those lovely heels are in my hand or; choose another store, another pool of shoes, even if that store is clear across town and far away from all the things you are familiar with...Following this? I hope.

I want to be able to let it go, that ideal of my future which is sequestered to the realms of N.E, S.E, N.W, S.W and the entire metro region. I want to look to the future without the tunnel vision I've developed and open up to panoramic taking in everything, expanding my view to reality instead of the reality I, along with some input from my family, have set for myself. I want the sex and the city, just maybe not the city I'd thought, and honestly the sex isn't a necessity at the moment.

But my greatest fear is not coming back, which in typing this has become so raw; and in not coming back so many things exists. I fear only talking to my mother once a week, and losing that connection we have. I fear missing my sister grow up and being there for it all. I fear having this life aside from the people I love and depend on, I fear that dependency, but the worst thing of all is that I fear is unknown. I fear the unknown of my decisions and how they will forever change my life. So what do I do with that?

I'm not sure, so this...this is where I am.

**fiReFLy**

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