Skip to main content

ARGHH!!! No I'm not a pirate.

I am stuck in a place of invisible imagination, unappearing thoughts, and silence... yes people I am having a horrible case of writer's block.

This does happen from time to time. It creeps up on you like rain in the midst of a perfect seaside vacation. You're at sea dipping your toes into the warm blue when the sky opens up, God laughs as he shoots down a bolt of thunder, and you are sequestered to the stale lonliness of your tiny tiny hotel room; you'd be lucky to get good room service at this point.

The hotel room wouldn't be as horrible if it weren't for the fact that you had so much left to do...scuba lessons with that hot hot native, dinner on the shore with the guy in 3B, a little spa time for you and your travel buddy on the ample balcony of your hotel. And this is where the analogy stops.

There is so much I want to say. I want to put into words that letter I have yet to write to my estranged father...hmm estranged I never thought of it that way before. I want to postulate all the good things that I see beyond these next two months. I want to tell you how He asked if I'm in love with him.

~~~
Am I in love with you?

Why in the hell would you ask me that question? Were you thinking about it, did I save you from an oncoming bus, did I ask to have your children? I don't remember any of those things so where did that come from?

I must admit I am quite fond of you. The way you smell, the way I never worry about all of those self conscious parts of myself, the way you hold me from behind and I feel your body match the curves of mine...but I'm not in love with you.
~~

I want to tell you all about that but I can't find the words. Can't find the phrase to convey all the meaning it should contain...

Hmm...maybe that poem from before. Check the next post.

**fiRefLY**

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Abstinence is good right?

Have you ever had to live pay check to pay check? I am and I don't even have a job...yah its that bad. So today marked the first day of my official on campus, paid job. Seeing as how I'm a senior I probably should have picked up this little past time, I dunno, 3 years ago. But here I am, student caller to the unprepared masses. Was I part of the unprepared masses. Was I unaware of the significant scholarship money they had set aside for me? Yea probably. Tomorrow marks the first of 40 days of Lent(spelling?). I've decided to forego sweets including soda, candy, icecream...unnecessary sugars pretty much. I've also decided to fast from being mean...ha I wonder how long that will last. And finally, I will abstain from any physical contact with the opposite sex... I actually threw this one in with the assumption that I won't have the opportunity or desire to physically interact with the opposite sex for quite some time anyway, thus adding this to my list is merely a met...

A Splash of Something New

There are times now when I get the urge to write. Those are moments when I try to hang onto that urge like a little girl chasing fireflies. The moments are so few and far between these days that I play in them as long as I can. Lingering in the words, and the thoughts until they fly away and all I can do is look at what was once there. I keep coming back to why I started writing this blog so many years ago, the so MANY part still being what gets me each time. I am older, I'd like to say wiser, and have learned a few life lessons that have brought me to where I am today. I once saw this life through the eyes of a Premature Metro Goddess, wanted to take on the world. I was sure of what would and what would not, and accepted nothing less, over and out, didn't want to hear anymore...the iron fist had been laid, lain? Anyway... As we speak though, I am not that woman I thought I would be, sometimes I still feel a bit like the girl I once was, but I do know this woman is someone else...

Restoration, the perfect gift.

So I am about to turn 25 and everyone keeps asking what I want to do, my response of course being I want to party and I guess on some level that is always a good answer from my perspective but lately I have been thinking about so many things; how I feel about my life right now, and what is it I really want? What do I really want for my 25th birthday? A return to optimism, that intrinsic idea that no matter what, things are going to be ok. I love the optimism I have carried with me through this life and it seems to have been ravaged here lately but I miss it fiercely. When I lose it there is this replacement of anxiety that keeps me frozen, and afraid, and worried. I want my optimism, so I will have to take it. I want contentment, the feeling you have after a good day right when you fall asleep in that comfortable position knowing that tomorrow is going to be an even better day, and you fall asleep with a sigh and a smile. I want to remember to reflect on the love in my life, coming fro...