In the almost 2 months since school has started up again I've established an altered routine due to my "transitioning into a new school". Spending most of my time at home until I formally establish my program at the new school has also somehow required my spending an almost unimaginable amount of time in the car. I wake up in the morning at 5:30 a.m. to drive my mother to work, I drive back home and get in somewhere between 6:30 and 7. I get back up at 8 to take my sister to school, come home and leave out again at 11 to pick her up. Finally I leave home around 3 or 3:30ish to get my mom again. And in this time spent in the car I have become a big fan of Monique's radio show. She is funny, candid, and I can't get the damn theme song out of my head. So today on my trip I was listening as she discussed interracial dating...hmmm.
I am the first to admit I have dated all around the world, as a matter of fact a former friend and I would call ourselves the UN (United Nations). As a young black woman I had the all too common experience of growing up in a predominantly white southern town, on the daily seeing racism in ways that some may never know, I also had the benefit of a very diverse family who would break the mold just as well as hold it in place...let me explain.
My Granny, as I call her, worked at Sweet Briar College and because of that I was allowed the wonderful opportunity to attend pre-school and kindergarten on their campus. I will admit the other little kids were different, the majority of them being white, but race never really occurred to me until the one day Granny picked me up from school. Now keep in mind that I lived with my grandmother as well as my mother, and she was one of those large influences in my upbringing. I was playing if I'm not mistaken and my Granny made her way into the room and told my teacher she was there to pick me up. My teacher looks at her then looks at me and walks over and says "Ashley do you know this woman?" Well of course I thought Granny is here to take me home. It wasn't until I heard the conversation at home that my four year old brain began to comprehend what had happened. My Granny is Lilly white, she looks like a white lady has gray eyes, the whole shebang so to my teacher she couldn't comprehend why this white lady was coming to pick up the black child. From as far as I can remember the pigmentation or lack there of on my grandmother skin never had occurred to me, I look at her and it still doesn't but because of the perspective I have I can find the logic in my teacher's question and yet it speaks volumes about my life.
My great grandfather was biracial, my great grandmother black and some part Native American or as she told us (Cherry Tree....Cherokee : ) )These two strong people had 9 children together and my Great Grandmother 1 from a previous relationship. All of their children ranged from my grandmother the lightest to my dark skinned aunt and uncle. Just one generation of my family is a veritable rainbow and I love that. At the same time coming from the south and being in that position raises a lot of questions.
I remember as a child maybe about 5 or 6, for the first time I saw a picture of my granny as a little girl. I had learned about segregation and Rosa Parks and I asked why she didn't just sit in the front of the bus, if she looked white then why would it matter. And although I don't recall the specifics of her answer I remember her speaking of safety, the fact that my great grandparents wouldn't have allowed that and that it was just not to be done.
I also know that the place I was born molded me in just as many ways. Being a 6 year old only going to my best friends house when it was just her and her mother; I learned through a conversation between hers and my mother that her father did not like black people however, her mother nurtured our friendship in spite of this and her aunt had been a friend of my mother's when they were in high school. Being in 3rd grade having a white girl instigating trouble between myself and a friend. She told me that the friends mother did not like black people and my friend denied it but I knew it was true. Me the ever opinionated a defiant one loudly proclaimed that this was not the right way to think. In anger I mentioned this to another friend of ours. This girl was black I knew for certain because she was related to members of my family however she constantly claimed to be Native American despite her dark brown complexion because she said she had "good hair". And in response to my bringing this to her attention and asking what she though she responded "I'm not black". She used her hair and partial Native American heritage to escape the "troubles" of being black, and sadly knew how to do this without so much as a thought at such a young age.
I moved back and forth between Amherst County Virginia and Northern Virginia until the time I graduated college. Living in NoVa today I do not go home as often as I would like. I love the mountains, always seeing someone you know, the slowness of it all as people take in life. This is all compared to the bustling city where I live and DC where I work. I love both of these places as they represent a duality that has grown in me, that is me.... When I go home my guard still comes up even more so now that I have been away so long. I still know after all this time that there are people who don't want to see my or any other black face and that seeing us is an inconvenience to their day which cannot be logically explained. I still know that there are certain places that I and no other black person will be found after a certain hour. And I have to say that I hate that just 2 months ago I went home and was apprehensive about entering a certain restaurant after 10:00, yet that is the world I know.
I have been called a wide variety of things in my life. I was the "white girl" to my family and to peers. I listen to country music, and rock, and sing each just as loud as I would "Touch Me Lord Jesus". I can talk just as country as the day is long and I can be articulate and peppy hear commentary on how white or black I sound over the phone. I have explored a variety of religions, including Wicca and Judaism in the midst of a Baptist family while have a Great Grandmother (Lou as I called her) who was the mother of the church. Some of my best friends have been white but the Best Friends (Ashly and Antwan) are black. I appreciate the work of Marilyn Monroe and Dorothy Dandridge. I watch BET and CMT. And I have dated white men, black men, and a lot of things in between.
All of this, the people, the experiences, the ambiguity of my life led me to be there person that I am today. Some people like to call me a hippie and I like that almost preferred to some of the other things I have been called. I have loved and lived, laughed and cried, and taken it all in the grand scheme of my place in this world. This is me, and this is the world we live in.
And no I did not forget about the United Nations but sometimes we have to look at the past in order to deal with what we have now : )
**FiREFlY**
I am the first to admit I have dated all around the world, as a matter of fact a former friend and I would call ourselves the UN (United Nations). As a young black woman I had the all too common experience of growing up in a predominantly white southern town, on the daily seeing racism in ways that some may never know, I also had the benefit of a very diverse family who would break the mold just as well as hold it in place...let me explain.
My Granny, as I call her, worked at Sweet Briar College and because of that I was allowed the wonderful opportunity to attend pre-school and kindergarten on their campus. I will admit the other little kids were different, the majority of them being white, but race never really occurred to me until the one day Granny picked me up from school. Now keep in mind that I lived with my grandmother as well as my mother, and she was one of those large influences in my upbringing. I was playing if I'm not mistaken and my Granny made her way into the room and told my teacher she was there to pick me up. My teacher looks at her then looks at me and walks over and says "Ashley do you know this woman?" Well of course I thought Granny is here to take me home. It wasn't until I heard the conversation at home that my four year old brain began to comprehend what had happened. My Granny is Lilly white, she looks like a white lady has gray eyes, the whole shebang so to my teacher she couldn't comprehend why this white lady was coming to pick up the black child. From as far as I can remember the pigmentation or lack there of on my grandmother skin never had occurred to me, I look at her and it still doesn't but because of the perspective I have I can find the logic in my teacher's question and yet it speaks volumes about my life.
My great grandfather was biracial, my great grandmother black and some part Native American or as she told us (Cherry Tree....Cherokee : ) )These two strong people had 9 children together and my Great Grandmother 1 from a previous relationship. All of their children ranged from my grandmother the lightest to my dark skinned aunt and uncle. Just one generation of my family is a veritable rainbow and I love that. At the same time coming from the south and being in that position raises a lot of questions.
I remember as a child maybe about 5 or 6, for the first time I saw a picture of my granny as a little girl. I had learned about segregation and Rosa Parks and I asked why she didn't just sit in the front of the bus, if she looked white then why would it matter. And although I don't recall the specifics of her answer I remember her speaking of safety, the fact that my great grandparents wouldn't have allowed that and that it was just not to be done.
* * * * *
I know that my family molded me in many ways into the person I am today. Growing up I heard the typical words when a white person was brought to a family function, "look he's brought another white girl home" which was often but at the same time I saw that in spite of those words my family moved on immediately to open the person as if they were no different than us. Driving through the streets with my Papa I sang my little heart of to gospel music and negro spirituals and then went home to my aunt's INXS tapes. As a matter of fact it was the same aunt who dated white men and brought them home with no hesitation or comment from my grandparents and the same aunt who has since married a white man. Although this is the aunt that drives me crazy I have never doubted that the things she exposed me to as a child have made me much more accepting and almost demanding of diversity all around me.I also know that the place I was born molded me in just as many ways. Being a 6 year old only going to my best friends house when it was just her and her mother; I learned through a conversation between hers and my mother that her father did not like black people however, her mother nurtured our friendship in spite of this and her aunt had been a friend of my mother's when they were in high school. Being in 3rd grade having a white girl instigating trouble between myself and a friend. She told me that the friends mother did not like black people and my friend denied it but I knew it was true. Me the ever opinionated a defiant one loudly proclaimed that this was not the right way to think. In anger I mentioned this to another friend of ours. This girl was black I knew for certain because she was related to members of my family however she constantly claimed to be Native American despite her dark brown complexion because she said she had "good hair". And in response to my bringing this to her attention and asking what she though she responded "I'm not black". She used her hair and partial Native American heritage to escape the "troubles" of being black, and sadly knew how to do this without so much as a thought at such a young age.
* * * * *
At the age of 10 my mother decided to move herself, my sister, and I to Northern Virginia. For me this move opened up a whole new world. A plethora of people of different religions, races, cultures. As I look back on it now it amazes me that as a fifth grader I had never met a Jewish person, or had a friend who went beyond the racial categories of White, Black, and Native American but I love that in spite of those things my first reaction was not to focus on those characteristics but to make friends and learn all I could. It was almost as if I was Dorothy who had grown up in typical black and white Kansas and this tornado picked me up and dropped me into the center of a world full of color and life.I moved back and forth between Amherst County Virginia and Northern Virginia until the time I graduated college. Living in NoVa today I do not go home as often as I would like. I love the mountains, always seeing someone you know, the slowness of it all as people take in life. This is all compared to the bustling city where I live and DC where I work. I love both of these places as they represent a duality that has grown in me, that is me.... When I go home my guard still comes up even more so now that I have been away so long. I still know after all this time that there are people who don't want to see my or any other black face and that seeing us is an inconvenience to their day which cannot be logically explained. I still know that there are certain places that I and no other black person will be found after a certain hour. And I have to say that I hate that just 2 months ago I went home and was apprehensive about entering a certain restaurant after 10:00, yet that is the world I know.
I have been called a wide variety of things in my life. I was the "white girl" to my family and to peers. I listen to country music, and rock, and sing each just as loud as I would "Touch Me Lord Jesus". I can talk just as country as the day is long and I can be articulate and peppy hear commentary on how white or black I sound over the phone. I have explored a variety of religions, including Wicca and Judaism in the midst of a Baptist family while have a Great Grandmother (Lou as I called her) who was the mother of the church. Some of my best friends have been white but the Best Friends (Ashly and Antwan) are black. I appreciate the work of Marilyn Monroe and Dorothy Dandridge. I watch BET and CMT. And I have dated white men, black men, and a lot of things in between.
All of this, the people, the experiences, the ambiguity of my life led me to be there person that I am today. Some people like to call me a hippie and I like that almost preferred to some of the other things I have been called. I have loved and lived, laughed and cried, and taken it all in the grand scheme of my place in this world. This is me, and this is the world we live in.
And no I did not forget about the United Nations but sometimes we have to look at the past in order to deal with what we have now : )
**FiREFlY**
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