Skip to main content

This is...

I think it is possibly the best or the worst, yet always the most enlightening moment when a person tells you how they truly feel about you. I don't mean they sit down and say... "This is how I feel about you, I feel..." I mean when you are in one of those moments where you're pushed to the edge and the words that come out of your mouth for better or for worse are sent directly from you head to your lips, no filtering...nothing close in similarity to using a Brita filtration system, straight taking it to the head water from the stream...when its fulls of all the stuff that water really has in it.

The thing is though, no matter how much you may ignore something, or try to overlook a person always lets you know how they really feel about you. Its in their actions, their looks, and movements. When you ask a question and you get an answer, take it for what it is, don't try to put your own spin on it to make it better. When you cry and no one cares, they really don't care. When you're hurt and thats ok, they really think it is ok. When you give your all and it doesn't matter, it really doesn't matter.

So now it seems like I know my place, because as they say I was put in my place. I know who I am and I know who I will never be because there is no space for that. I know that I'm not seen as a part of but seperate from. I know all of this now, and its more of a shock to my system then a shock to myself... but I know no one cares, its ok, and it really doesn't matter.

Those are things I know for sure.

**Firefly**
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

And All I Really Want...

I am currently in the throws of some galactic battle, an all out war on common sense, reality, and all those things which should really be important in our day to day. I am planning a wedding. A few years ago pre-engagement, before meeting the man who I had no idea would be the one, I knew exactly what I wanted in a wedding. At this point the marriage part did not factor in because hey, I had time. I wanted the wind, and trees, a few friends, a few family, a pretty simple dress, and him. There was no need for rice and bubbles, doves or bells, poofy hair and perfect nails. I was always that simplistic about my life, hating the showy monstrosity of it all and now I am here. I am here in the midst of the chaotic. 150 people, catering, photographers, dresses, and hair, and centerpieces, and music, and linen jackets to make it dressy enough but not too dressy. Somewhere along the way I lost it, somewhere along the way. I long for the stillness, the quiet, the spontaneous. That stillness of ...
Post a Comment
Read more

...now you're just somebody that I...

Typing, typing, typing. This whole process seems so foreign to me, and yet I know that I'm extremely competent in the field. I used to be a writer; I know that, it is documented here. I used to sparkle, and held an unwavering optimism, I used to shine, and be breathtaking all because I felt like the world around me sparkled, it inspired unwavering optimism, it shined and was breathtaking...oh how did I come so far. So far from the girl I used to be, the girl she was meant to be, all of her hopes, all of her dreams snuffed out like a short lived flame. She thought she'd fly, she thought her words would matter, she cherished the brightness of her future, she cherished that something within her self that I'm not even sure that I can identify anymore. She is miles apart from me, she's just the girl I used to be and it went so fast it's almost like it hasn't happened at all.
Post a Comment
Read more

You asked for it

You asked for it. You asked to put a face with the name which had been shrouded in a complex and complicated past. You asked and you got what you wanted when you know you should have left it where it was in the first place. Why is it that you can get past the fact that BFEBF is just that, you can be in the same room hanging pictures and sipping Bacardi and not feel a second of insecurity or hesitation? But you look at a picture from the past, his past and instantly you are taken to a place where you are no longer number one and you are just the one he ended up with when the rest didn’t seem to work out. But then that is life. It’s a series of tests and trials which might not come to the conclusion on end result which you hope. Hell you don’t even know where 10 years will lead you… matching chocolate labs and Volvos, or perhaps daily prayer as you wake up in a convent and go about your holy orders…yes that’s an exaggeration. Maybe being in the room with you best friend and her e...
1 comment
Read more