Skip to main content

Torture

I have come to the conclusion that I talk to much...about myself...way too much.

A while ago I was commenting to the best friend that a certain individual in my life never calls for good things anymore, he only calls to go into these lengthy dissertations about the "woe is me" nature of his life; I listen, nod to myself much as I'm sure a therapist would do while also charging by the hour, and then the conversation ends. No hourly payment, just the complete joy of knowing that I am his complaint station : \

So recently when I began calling the best friend with complaints and worries it came to me that I was in some way becoming just like that individual, but why? What is it that I talk about? Him for starters the rich complexities of our relationship...you know the whole "started out like a beautiful plan ride add a touch of turbulence, and BOOM crashed and burning". But most recently and what will become the main focus of this entry:

My friend, who lives miles and miles away, comes in the city to visit sometimes always excited and yet I find that I usually bail on going out with her; trying to break that down I realized she complains too much, she parties too much, and she pulls me into the midst of her whirlwind dramas. I don't do drama(ok well I didn't before but I'm trying to lessen the levels of such in my world), I don't do come out with us I'm breaking up with him on Tuesday though. I teach high school students, I could be sleeping and regaining my sanity which I lost during the week, while you're out dancing with Mr. Unbeknownst to My Future Breakup.

I love my friend, she's smart and funny and usually we have a good time when we go out, but then there are the moments when I know what is coming. The awkward silence while I cling to the walls by myself while they're dancing. The whining and soap opera like enactments of "I'm divorcing you if you don't come." Dammit I'm tired, and its Saturday, and although I don't dislike Mr. Unbeknowst to My Future Breakup, I'm not jumping in my boots to be around him ESPECIALLY when you have planned to leave him on Tuesday anyway, whats the use.

See, this is why I talk to much : \

Firefly

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

And All I Really Want...

I am currently in the throws of some galactic battle, an all out war on common sense, reality, and all those things which should really be important in our day to day. I am planning a wedding. A few years ago pre-engagement, before meeting the man who I had no idea would be the one, I knew exactly what I wanted in a wedding. At this point the marriage part did not factor in because hey, I had time. I wanted the wind, and trees, a few friends, a few family, a pretty simple dress, and him. There was no need for rice and bubbles, doves or bells, poofy hair and perfect nails. I was always that simplistic about my life, hating the showy monstrosity of it all and now I am here. I am here in the midst of the chaotic. 150 people, catering, photographers, dresses, and hair, and centerpieces, and music, and linen jackets to make it dressy enough but not too dressy. Somewhere along the way I lost it, somewhere along the way. I long for the stillness, the quiet, the spontaneous. That stillness of ...
Post a Comment
Read more

A Splash of Something New

There are times now when I get the urge to write. Those are moments when I try to hang onto that urge like a little girl chasing fireflies. The moments are so few and far between these days that I play in them as long as I can. Lingering in the words, and the thoughts until they fly away and all I can do is look at what was once there. I keep coming back to why I started writing this blog so many years ago, the so MANY part still being what gets me each time. I am older, I'd like to say wiser, and have learned a few life lessons that have brought me to where I am today. I once saw this life through the eyes of a Premature Metro Goddess, wanted to take on the world. I was sure of what would and what would not, and accepted nothing less, over and out, didn't want to hear anymore...the iron fist had been laid, lain? Anyway... As we speak though, I am not that woman I thought I would be, sometimes I still feel a bit like the girl I once was, but I do know this woman is someone else...
Post a Comment
Read more

...now you're just somebody that I...

Typing, typing, typing. This whole process seems so foreign to me, and yet I know that I'm extremely competent in the field. I used to be a writer; I know that, it is documented here. I used to sparkle, and held an unwavering optimism, I used to shine, and be breathtaking all because I felt like the world around me sparkled, it inspired unwavering optimism, it shined and was breathtaking...oh how did I come so far. So far from the girl I used to be, the girl she was meant to be, all of her hopes, all of her dreams snuffed out like a short lived flame. She thought she'd fly, she thought her words would matter, she cherished the brightness of her future, she cherished that something within her self that I'm not even sure that I can identify anymore. She is miles apart from me, she's just the girl I used to be and it went so fast it's almost like it hasn't happened at all.
Post a Comment
Read more