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Torture

I have come to the conclusion that I talk to much...about myself...way too much.

A while ago I was commenting to the best friend that a certain individual in my life never calls for good things anymore, he only calls to go into these lengthy dissertations about the "woe is me" nature of his life; I listen, nod to myself much as I'm sure a therapist would do while also charging by the hour, and then the conversation ends. No hourly payment, just the complete joy of knowing that I am his complaint station : \

So recently when I began calling the best friend with complaints and worries it came to me that I was in some way becoming just like that individual, but why? What is it that I talk about? Him for starters the rich complexities of our relationship...you know the whole "started out like a beautiful plan ride add a touch of turbulence, and BOOM crashed and burning". But most recently and what will become the main focus of this entry:

My friend, who lives miles and miles away, comes in the city to visit sometimes always excited and yet I find that I usually bail on going out with her; trying to break that down I realized she complains too much, she parties too much, and she pulls me into the midst of her whirlwind dramas. I don't do drama(ok well I didn't before but I'm trying to lessen the levels of such in my world), I don't do come out with us I'm breaking up with him on Tuesday though. I teach high school students, I could be sleeping and regaining my sanity which I lost during the week, while you're out dancing with Mr. Unbeknownst to My Future Breakup.

I love my friend, she's smart and funny and usually we have a good time when we go out, but then there are the moments when I know what is coming. The awkward silence while I cling to the walls by myself while they're dancing. The whining and soap opera like enactments of "I'm divorcing you if you don't come." Dammit I'm tired, and its Saturday, and although I don't dislike Mr. Unbeknowst to My Future Breakup, I'm not jumping in my boots to be around him ESPECIALLY when you have planned to leave him on Tuesday anyway, whats the use.

See, this is why I talk to much : \

Firefly

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