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Look beyond the surface...

I haven't blogged in a while, haven't really spoke of how I was feeling, and I'm feeling a lot at the moment.

I am a bit confused, as it were. I have this horrible habit of caring too much for people, all people whom I allow to enter my life. As a personal flaw I must admit it is a great one to have, yet as a personal flaw it is hell for working through emotionally.

I had a relationship with someone I should not have and whom I should have, all at the same time...hence my confusion. I am in love with someone and romantically indifferent to the other someone whom I should have left alone. We have established a pretty good working relationship as well yet there is still something that I can't put my finger on.

I bump into him, I see his phone number and I completely forget how I DON'T feel about him, and succumb to some illegitimate urge to talk, speak, listen, or whatever it is he needs or wants. I hate that.

I hate forgetting all the things I dislike about a person for the minute things that I adore.
I hate that I am writing this at the moment.
I hate that I can't get this out of my system.

I hate all of that and yet I know that it has to mean something. Its the meaning that always complicates the simplicity.

**FiREfly**

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