You asked for it.
You asked to put a face with the name which had been shrouded in a complex and complicated past. You asked and you got what you wanted when you know you should have left it where it was in the first place.
Why is it that you can get past the fact that BFEBF is just that, you can be in the same room hanging pictures and sipping Bacardi and not feel a second of insecurity or hesitation? But you look at a picture from the past, his past and instantly you are taken to a place where you are no longer number one and you are just the one he ended up with when the rest didn’t seem to work out.
But then that is life. It’s a series of tests and trials which might not come to the conclusion on end result which you hope. Hell you don’t even know where 10 years will lead you… matching chocolate labs and Volvos, or perhaps daily prayer as you wake up in a convent and go about your holy orders…yes that’s an exaggeration.
Maybe being in the room with you best friend and her ex boyfriend, who happens to be your boyfriend is not a problem because in that space you know everything, you know that you can trust what will and what won’t happen. There are no secrets, no unstated words or thoughts because that would some how undercut this whole situation you’ve found yourself in.
But in that picture there are so many things that you can’t even begin to grasp, to comprehend or imagine. In those faces there are expectations of tomorrow together; Happiness, love, kissing, commitment, forever. You aren’t even sure how the things in that picture have evolved or changed since, do they still even exist.
So you sit there, on his bed, with the cool calming wind of a fan blowing against your skin. The sound of the shower and smell of his cologne, the sun shining against your back and you realize you really don’t know anything at all.
And maybe, just maybe you never really will.
**Firefly**
8/5/2006 2:23:58 PM
You asked to put a face with the name which had been shrouded in a complex and complicated past. You asked and you got what you wanted when you know you should have left it where it was in the first place.
Why is it that you can get past the fact that BFEBF is just that, you can be in the same room hanging pictures and sipping Bacardi and not feel a second of insecurity or hesitation? But you look at a picture from the past, his past and instantly you are taken to a place where you are no longer number one and you are just the one he ended up with when the rest didn’t seem to work out.
But then that is life. It’s a series of tests and trials which might not come to the conclusion on end result which you hope. Hell you don’t even know where 10 years will lead you… matching chocolate labs and Volvos, or perhaps daily prayer as you wake up in a convent and go about your holy orders…yes that’s an exaggeration.
Maybe being in the room with you best friend and her ex boyfriend, who happens to be your boyfriend is not a problem because in that space you know everything, you know that you can trust what will and what won’t happen. There are no secrets, no unstated words or thoughts because that would some how undercut this whole situation you’ve found yourself in.
But in that picture there are so many things that you can’t even begin to grasp, to comprehend or imagine. In those faces there are expectations of tomorrow together; Happiness, love, kissing, commitment, forever. You aren’t even sure how the things in that picture have evolved or changed since, do they still even exist.
So you sit there, on his bed, with the cool calming wind of a fan blowing against your skin. The sound of the shower and smell of his cologne, the sun shining against your back and you realize you really don’t know anything at all.
And maybe, just maybe you never really will.
**Firefly**
8/5/2006 2:23:58 PM
Comments