Skip to main content

And Will Look Toward...

I used to believe in signs.

There was this point in my life where everything was jumbled and a mess and I was trying to figure out what it was that I truly felt was real, what I believed in, and who I was. Fate, destiny, signs. I know all of this seems illogical to some people, to trust in something that will show you the way, or that is meant to be beyond your control but I did, but I do and I think somewhere along the way I lost sight of what that really means to me. In the past few years I have been so caught up in the way I want things to be, or the expectations of it all that I strayed from the spontaneity and the surprise that I love...

"Disappointment cannot exist without there first being expectations" and
"It could be a lot better, but it could also be a lot worse"

These were my motto, my mantra, my optimistic reassurance that kept me bright eyed and care free. And then life happened...

But should all the hardships of the world be any excuse for losing those things you hold to dearly? In the midst of arguments, death, breakups, instability, sadness, and pain you tend to lose sight of the happiness that you'd held before. As the days pass when you don't want to get out of bed and you barely know what's helping you to get through it all you slowly forget about your beliefs, where your faith(s) lie, and you begin to lose a piece of who you really are, I lost a piece of who I really am.

I'm not sure why this all came to me today, but I realize I need to focus on those things that I believed in. Fate in all its mystical, surreal, magical glory made me see the world in a light that I don't anymore, The Eternal Optimist, and I want to get back to that... And maybe somehow the universe is telling me its that time.

To think I got all of this from an episode of some cheesy dramatic 20 something sitcom...But maybe that was my sign.

**FiREfLY**

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Be The Girl

Pain is temporary, pride is forever... I have become that girl. The one you see all distraught at the gas station because she just left her boyfriend's house and he lives a few hours away. That girl, by the way, is a bit ridiculous because even though she's crying and pumping gas and listening to Wild Horses on her IPod, the boyfriend is on speaker phone talking to her the entire time...speaker phone because she drives like a mad woman when she's holding her phone and the steering wheel and clicking away at the IPod. Now rereading that, no I haven't become that girl entirely. In actuality the only piece of that I can claim is the Ipod, bad driving and speaker phone thing...no crying at the gas station, I'm a soldier . Pain is temporary, pride is forever... I will claim that as well. That's what his t-shirt says, the one that I like from the Coast Guard Academy, the one that I tried to take but he wouldn't let me...the one that he stuck in my suitcase...
2 comments
Read more

Abstinence is good right?

Have you ever had to live pay check to pay check? I am and I don't even have a job...yah its that bad. So today marked the first day of my official on campus, paid job. Seeing as how I'm a senior I probably should have picked up this little past time, I dunno, 3 years ago. But here I am, student caller to the unprepared masses. Was I part of the unprepared masses. Was I unaware of the significant scholarship money they had set aside for me? Yea probably. Tomorrow marks the first of 40 days of Lent(spelling?). I've decided to forego sweets including soda, candy, icecream...unnecessary sugars pretty much. I've also decided to fast from being mean...ha I wonder how long that will last. And finally, I will abstain from any physical contact with the opposite sex... I actually threw this one in with the assumption that I won't have the opportunity or desire to physically interact with the opposite sex for quite some time anyway, thus adding this to my list is merely a met...
1 comment
Read more

You asked for it

You asked for it. You asked to put a face with the name which had been shrouded in a complex and complicated past. You asked and you got what you wanted when you know you should have left it where it was in the first place. Why is it that you can get past the fact that BFEBF is just that, you can be in the same room hanging pictures and sipping Bacardi and not feel a second of insecurity or hesitation? But you look at a picture from the past, his past and instantly you are taken to a place where you are no longer number one and you are just the one he ended up with when the rest didn’t seem to work out. But then that is life. It’s a series of tests and trials which might not come to the conclusion on end result which you hope. Hell you don’t even know where 10 years will lead you… matching chocolate labs and Volvos, or perhaps daily prayer as you wake up in a convent and go about your holy orders…yes that’s an exaggeration. Maybe being in the room with you best friend and her e...
1 comment
Read more