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And Will Look Toward...

I used to believe in signs.

There was this point in my life where everything was jumbled and a mess and I was trying to figure out what it was that I truly felt was real, what I believed in, and who I was. Fate, destiny, signs. I know all of this seems illogical to some people, to trust in something that will show you the way, or that is meant to be beyond your control but I did, but I do and I think somewhere along the way I lost sight of what that really means to me. In the past few years I have been so caught up in the way I want things to be, or the expectations of it all that I strayed from the spontaneity and the surprise that I love...

"Disappointment cannot exist without there first being expectations" and
"It could be a lot better, but it could also be a lot worse"

These were my motto, my mantra, my optimistic reassurance that kept me bright eyed and care free. And then life happened...

But should all the hardships of the world be any excuse for losing those things you hold to dearly? In the midst of arguments, death, breakups, instability, sadness, and pain you tend to lose sight of the happiness that you'd held before. As the days pass when you don't want to get out of bed and you barely know what's helping you to get through it all you slowly forget about your beliefs, where your faith(s) lie, and you begin to lose a piece of who you really are, I lost a piece of who I really am.

I'm not sure why this all came to me today, but I realize I need to focus on those things that I believed in. Fate in all its mystical, surreal, magical glory made me see the world in a light that I don't anymore, The Eternal Optimist, and I want to get back to that... And maybe somehow the universe is telling me its that time.

To think I got all of this from an episode of some cheesy dramatic 20 something sitcom...But maybe that was my sign.

**FiREfLY**

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