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Forgive Me

Forgive me for running. Forgive me for leaving the scene of this crime. I'll call it that because I did something when I knew it was against this contract that we've made. Forgive me for abandoning all this time we've had. Forgive me because I want to fall in love with you.

I'm saying I want to fall in love with you, and not I am falling in love with you because somehow I've managed to maintain enough control over my heart. That's the anomoly in this situation. I usually fall fast and hard and hurt when I shouldn't. And although I haven't this time and I can't, there are so many reasons why I should. You are so hard and isolated and oppositional, but somehow I've managed to accept your flaws. And then there are these moments, these brief fleeting moments where you become this shooting star. A beautiful celestial body that I can't take my eyes off of. In the midst of your flaws you are gifted beyond measure and for all those things I want to fall in love with you.

Forgive me because if I don't stop myself now, I will fall in love with you and we said we wouldn't do that. Forgive me because I can't give you all of me without sacrificing something so essential to this situation. Forgive me because when I kiss you, when I see you, when I hear you on the end of my phone, a smile spreads itself across my mood and you can see it through the sound of my voice on the other end.

Forgive me when I am gone. Forgive me when time passes and we're still sitting in our separate corners of this world. Forgive me when I can't remember what your lips feel like on mine, when I won't let your smell bring me back to this time. Forgive me when all we are left with are spoken words and spent time. Forgive me then, as I will forgive myself.

**fiRefLy**

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