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Ticket for One Please...

Tonight I am going to see a movie alone, I will ignore the implications of such, and continue on. I have never in my life gone to a movie theater alone. As an adolescent I was convinced I had Social Anxiety Disorder, disorders were a big thing then and now with everyone self diagnosing themselves; I actually learned the other day while riding the metro that I have Cyberchondria...I like to use google to determine whether my symptoms, actual or alleged are in anyway related to an illness (which they typically are, because anything these days is a symptom)..cure for Cyberchondira...stay the hell off Google.

So this solo movie going that I am about to embark on, I think there is something changing in me, I would like to hope so anyway. There's all these things that I have wanted to do my entire life that I have backed away from doing because of what? Time, money, lack of company...but really no those reasons are not good enough so I'm off to a movie. Deciding between overly commercial or indie and probably sticking with the latter.

I think sometimes you can let so much of yourself be filled to the brim with other people. You don't necessarily just see yourself, but you see yourself reflected in their eyes. What I'm starting to realize though is that most people can really never invest their entire being into seeing another person, its too personal, makes you too vulnerable and open. And I do make things too personal and am way to vulnerable and open. So then I wonder how it it is that I've been hurt a lot by others...family, friends, significant others...too vulnerable all the time, so I will have to be a litle bit more open to seeing myself through my own eyes.

...Its about time I guess though, right?

**FiREFly**

Comments

Cherie Burbach said…
I applaud you - I've never been able to go to a movie by myself! But I had to do the same little journey that you have, and it's the power of small that gets you headed in the right direction. My thing was eating by myself in a restaurant (without bringing a book.) When I did it the first few times I felt so stupid and felt like everyone was staring at me. But then I found it relaxing. I could people watch, daydream, and really enjoy my meal all by myself.
6:02 PM
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