The Life of a Premature Metro Goddess

Tonight I am going to see a movie alone, I will ignore the implications of such, and continue on. I have never in my life gone to a movie theater alone. As an adolescent I was convinced I had Social Anxiety Disorder, disorders were a big thing then and now with everyone self diagnosing themselves; I actually learned the other day while riding the metro that I have Cyberchondria ...I like to use google to determine whether my symptoms, actual or alleged are in anyway related to an illness (which they typically are, because anything these days is a symptom)..cure for Cyberchondira ...stay the hell off Google. So this solo movie going that I am about to embark on, I think there is something changing in me, I would like to hope so anyway. There's all these things that I have wanted to do my entire life that I have backed away from doing because of what? Time, money, lack of company...but really no those reasons are not good enough so I'm off to a movie. Deciding between overly comm...

Writing a little more as the days go past: Decent Out of Heaven There’s all these little things that hurt me, I’m hurting. All these little things got me dying inside. I can feel my heart as it rips into pieces And each little piece that you’re taking with you. Going back and forth with myself in my mind Going back and forth with you all the time You make me wrong when I am so right Change the way I feel about the thoughts in my head You make me wrong when I am so right. So I’m fighting Was fighting to keep getting air The sun, and the wind, and the birds, and the trees, Was fighting to keep getting air. I want…and that doesn’t matter. Don’t know why but that doesn’t matter. I need…and that doesn’t matter I feel…and that doesn’t matter I hurt, and I cry, and I toss, and I turn I am chaos. In the midst of myself I turn to you. Chip away at me Have your way with me Laying cold and alone. Laying here in this dark. I am cold and alone Cold and alone I am chaos. **fIreFLY**

Did a little writing...a very little. Lover lay down, Lay down with me and pray Prey on all these feelings which harken me to stay. Lover lay down, Lay down your arms and see, I will stray away from battle And surrender at your knee Lover lay down, Lay down your arms on me, Hold me and mold me Lead me Let you lead Lover lay down Fore’ I’m here at your side As the night turns to day Soft gray fades away Lover lay down Won’t you lay down with me?

At this moment I don't think I even have the words to describe how I am feeling. All the anxiety I had about this election has left my body and I am just left with an immense feeling of pride

"I am the first to admit I have dated all around the world, as a matter of fact a former friend and I would call ourselves the UN (United Nations). As a young black woman I had the all too common experience of growing up in a predominantly white southern town, on the daily seeing racism in ways that some may never know, I also had the benefit of a very diverse family who would break the mold just as well as hold it in place..." In continuation from the previous post on this issue, yes, I have dated outside of my race with frequency. It still amazes me how a visual characteristic can have such an unwavering hold on the minds and lives of people that it remains one of the most predominant issues of hot debate. The discussion of race is necessary to rid us of those misconceptions we may have about others at the same time I think in some ways the constant discussion of race just serves to continually draw attention to the subtle insignificant differences between people, its a ver...

My random surfing on Stumble and I discovered this...Liked the sound. Hey Ya Acoustic Cover - Click here for more free videos

The seasons have changed. I would have said the seasons are changing but I think it is way past that now. The Sun has changed angles, the way the light bounces off objects and cast its shadows on the ground I feel the calm that I get this time of year. When the air gets cool and it smells like home. When love is amplified and reflects off each moment. When music is calmer, making everything more still. When family gets tighter, nights get that glow, and days fade into one another. Ahh Autumn, my favorite time of year. **fiREfly**

I am currently half way finished with the entry about interracial dating but I'm in one of those moods where I have to switch gears and rant. I love the work that I do. I work with students in the public school system who are not necessarily on the right path to provide them the support they need to stay in school and move on to positive things in their lives, that is the short version. The long version is that I am a teacher, advocate, advisor, counselor...all those things kids need from everyone in the school that because of sheer size can not be provided to every kid. I love that. I love interacting with my kids, listening to them talk, having them call me at all hours for ridiculous nonsensical stuff which really translates to them wanting me to care and knowing that I care so much that those calls are OK. In the words of my coworker and friend I love the work that I do but I hate my job. I hate that I have an non supportive management team who I feel only backs me to get the d...

Friday- Hair Braided and Birthday for Julian Saturday-State Fair Club with Ashly Sunday (we'll discuss all the issues I have surrounding this later) Needless to say I have not had time to finish part 2 of the earlier posting...crossing my fingers for today. **FireFly*

In the almost 2 months since school has started up again I've established an altered routine due to my "transitioning into a new school". Spending most of my time at home until I formally establish my program at the new school has also somehow required my spending an almost unimaginable amount of time in the car. I wake up in the morning at 5:30 a.m. to drive my mother to work, I drive back home and get in somewhere between 6:30 and 7. I get back up at 8 to take my sister to school, come home and leave out again at 11 to pick her up. Finally I leave home around 3 or 3:30 ish to get my mom again. And in this time spent in the car I have become a big fan of Monique's radio show . She is funny, candid, and I can't get the damn theme song out of my head. So today on my trip I was listening as she discussed interracial dating... hmmm . I am the first to admit I have dated all around the world, as a matter of fact a former friend and I would call ourselves the UN (Uni...

I have writer's block. I have said this before, several times over the past few years as a matter of fact. I have always been a writer. I remember winning first place in the young authors contest in 3rd grade, this due to my overwhelming desire to write and my overactive imagination. As the years have progressed I established this kind of pattern I would write a lot, for months at a time, and then at a certain point the writing would stop as if my brain were recharging and I would wait for it to come back. Typically emotions would be linked to the writing so it was never an issue when I stopped. Never an issue until recently. As with many people I saw this major life shift after graduating college, this care free life I had evolved into a life of responsibility, jobs, payments, I will say responsibility yet again. You grow up and things change but I never expected the writing to stop. As a matter of fact I created this blog as a college senior with all expectations that upon gradua...

I have decided to start over, which I am known to do at random moments during my existence however this time it is more of a starting over my blog, an overhaul maybe, a bloggerhaul? I started writing this my senior year of college with this unwavering belief that from that moment on I would chronicle my dramatically exciting fun filled exploration into my newly found adult world. Sadly soon there after I realized there wasn't all too much exciting about paying bills, the 9 to 5 or other incarnations of such, and the drama surrounding relationships. Paying bills just is and it sucks that way, the 9 to 5 at some point takes on this glazed over, I'm tired of the monotony kinda view, and the relationships overtake all and that is just too much. This space was created to be multifaceted and kinda fell into the mundane, boring, is this the same thing I just wrote last week which only creates writers block which I can have anywhere from one week to two years soo... moving on to the po...

It is finally a new year. I used to always have a very distinct feeling about the ending and beginning of a year but I know longer do. I am confused and I have had months to not be yet still, and even though I thought it had passed away here I am trying to put my finger on what goes wrong.