Doubling Descension

Maybe I'm just tired....

Tired of tending this loose end, this frayed edge, this split end.

I'm tired of determining my place amongst your expectations,
I'm tired of playing with ups and downs
I'm tired of this manic situation

All I want is breathing time
All I need is what's necessary to such
But I cannot find much of those things here

Everything is so heavy,
Everything is so thick.
This foggy abyss surrounds me
And I'm not moving in
Not moving out

A fish out of water,
I flounder...
Struggle to keep my head above
When its coming at me in every direction.

Calm me, soothe me, move me.
Coming at me from every direction.
Touch me, tease me, loose me.
Yet coming from no direction at all.

I fall back in time,
Asleep in thought of mind.
I fall...
I quiet.
I fall...
I let go.
I fall...
I fall....
I fall...

FiREfly

Comments

And All I Really Want...

I am currently in the throws of some galactic battle, an all out war on common sense, reality, and all those things which should really be important in our day to day. I am planning a wedding. A few years ago pre-engagement, before meeting the man who I had no idea would be the one, I knew exactly what I wanted in a wedding. At this point the marriage part did not factor in because hey, I had time. I wanted the wind, and trees, a few friends, a few family, a pretty simple dress, and him. There was no need for rice and bubbles, doves or bells, poofy hair and perfect nails. I was always that simplistic about my life, hating the showy monstrosity of it all and now I am here. I am here in the midst of the chaotic. 150 people, catering, photographers, dresses, and hair, and centerpieces, and music, and linen jackets to make it dressy enough but not too dressy. Somewhere along the way I lost it, somewhere along the way. I long for the stillness, the quiet, the spontaneous. That stillness of ...

...now you're just somebody that I...

Typing, typing, typing. This whole process seems so foreign to me, and yet I know that I'm extremely competent in the field. I used to be a writer; I know that, it is documented here. I used to sparkle, and held an unwavering optimism, I used to shine, and be breathtaking all because I felt like the world around me sparkled, it inspired unwavering optimism, it shined and was breathtaking...oh how did I come so far. So far from the girl I used to be, the girl she was meant to be, all of her hopes, all of her dreams snuffed out like a short lived flame. She thought she'd fly, she thought her words would matter, she cherished the brightness of her future, she cherished that something within her self that I'm not even sure that I can identify anymore. She is miles apart from me, she's just the girl I used to be and it went so fast it's almost like it hasn't happened at all.

SOS and Smoke Signals

You come in here, Burnt fingertips, Darkness touching lips, And all these lies. Darkness starts to abound you, And the light of my life starts to fade away. Self destruction, Self-destructive. But, if you shift the blame, While shifting eyes, Shifting feet, Shifting stories, I become the destroyer, the one taking lives, and misplacing souls. Destroying yourself, in turn destroying me… …where thou diest, will I die. And the light of my life starts to fade away. Tears fall hard on deaf ears, Pain passes unseen by turned blind eyes. Ignorance is bliss, Bliss is the deception, And the deception comes again, It is the destroyer of things. But I will not let him take you, I will mark this sign upon my house, I will be in observance and bare reverence. I will do all those things And it shall pass over you, And it shall pass over me, And it shall pass over the fruits of the tree. As it were before, Yes, this too shall pass.

The Life of a Premature Metro Goddess

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