Skip to main content

But it doesn't help to know...

I have a cold, I am pmsing, and there is a Tropical Depression, Ernesto, who has managed to complete the whole ruining process of my weekend.
I have a cold. And although I am one of those “don’t do the medicated bullshit” type of girls, I’ve been doped up all day long on Dayquil and in about an hour it will be Nyquil…gel caps because I DON’T DO LIQUIDS… hell I’m not a child. I know how to swallow (and don’t make that last statement into something it shouldn’t be).
I am pmsing which my boyfriend likes to refer to that as “During These Times”. And you know all those stereotypical lies that men continue to plant into our social subconscious about women being these over emotional creature who could cry at the drop of a hat… well I hate to say it but sometimes that shit it true. There was this one time when I was younger that for some reason my mother screwed up the food order and I didn’t get my double bacon cheeseburger with lettuce and mayo (Dairy Queen)… I screamed, I cried, and then sat outside on the porch for 3 hours pondering the crappiness of life… estrogen…PMS… I can’t explain it, kind of like I can’t explain crop circles. And we carry on.
Tropical Depression Ernesto has put the finishing touches on my ruined weekend. Aside from the cold, and the pms my wonderful Labor Day weekend has been abandoned in several ways. It began as a simple go chill with the Boyfriend kind of thing, which somehow transformed itself into a chill with the Boyfriend while entertaining really good friend who decided to come visit (she’s stuck at grad school in Connecticut, she can’t take the bland anymore).
First it was decided that my lAdiEE shouldn’t come down because driving in this mess would be crazy. Then I was on the fence about traveling via train to Hampton Roads to see the boyfriend anyway…the sick, the weather. Finally it was decided that I wouldn’t go…not by my cold, or myself but by Amtrak. To which I must say…credit where credit is due; someone called to tell me that the train wasn’t running from Alexandria (ALX) to Newport News (NPN) due to flooding… thank you Amtrak for blazing through my indecisive mind.
But this is where I am. I am cold, stuck in the house, emotional, moody, PMS need I say more. I don’t get to see my friend and it’s been a while. I don’t get to ride the train and I love the train. And I have to miss my boyfriend. The last is a bit new, or rather a bit different. I’m not sure if it’s because of “during these times”, because I’m sick and naturally want to be taken care of, or because of the simple unaffected fact that I miss him… in a way that is hard to describe to him because I’m strong, and we know I don’t do that emotional shit.
And all of a sudden I feel as if it’s turning into one of those blogs… Straying from an ode to the wanton in between to something a bit more relational and I’ll stop.
Everything good seems so far away…
**fIrefLy**

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

And All I Really Want...

I am currently in the throws of some galactic battle, an all out war on common sense, reality, and all those things which should really be important in our day to day. I am planning a wedding. A few years ago pre-engagement, before meeting the man who I had no idea would be the one, I knew exactly what I wanted in a wedding. At this point the marriage part did not factor in because hey, I had time. I wanted the wind, and trees, a few friends, a few family, a pretty simple dress, and him. There was no need for rice and bubbles, doves or bells, poofy hair and perfect nails. I was always that simplistic about my life, hating the showy monstrosity of it all and now I am here. I am here in the midst of the chaotic. 150 people, catering, photographers, dresses, and hair, and centerpieces, and music, and linen jackets to make it dressy enough but not too dressy. Somewhere along the way I lost it, somewhere along the way. I long for the stillness, the quiet, the spontaneous. That stillness of ...

...now you're just somebody that I...

Typing, typing, typing. This whole process seems so foreign to me, and yet I know that I'm extremely competent in the field. I used to be a writer; I know that, it is documented here. I used to sparkle, and held an unwavering optimism, I used to shine, and be breathtaking all because I felt like the world around me sparkled, it inspired unwavering optimism, it shined and was breathtaking...oh how did I come so far. So far from the girl I used to be, the girl she was meant to be, all of her hopes, all of her dreams snuffed out like a short lived flame. She thought she'd fly, she thought her words would matter, she cherished the brightness of her future, she cherished that something within her self that I'm not even sure that I can identify anymore. She is miles apart from me, she's just the girl I used to be and it went so fast it's almost like it hasn't happened at all.

You asked for it

You asked for it. You asked to put a face with the name which had been shrouded in a complex and complicated past. You asked and you got what you wanted when you know you should have left it where it was in the first place. Why is it that you can get past the fact that BFEBF is just that, you can be in the same room hanging pictures and sipping Bacardi and not feel a second of insecurity or hesitation? But you look at a picture from the past, his past and instantly you are taken to a place where you are no longer number one and you are just the one he ended up with when the rest didn’t seem to work out. But then that is life. It’s a series of tests and trials which might not come to the conclusion on end result which you hope. Hell you don’t even know where 10 years will lead you… matching chocolate labs and Volvos, or perhaps daily prayer as you wake up in a convent and go about your holy orders…yes that’s an exaggeration. Maybe being in the room with you best friend and her e...